helluvalot posted her epic Brand New primer over here, in case you're wondering who crazy gay Jesse Lacey is, or why he's so crazy, or why he's so gay. Ugh BN, ugh ugh. I keep thinking that my ardor for them has faded to levels that are, you know, sane, and then I will look up and realize that I've listened to the entirety of YFW or Devil and God at least once a day for multiple days in a row, or that I've been singing along to Seventy Times 7 so hard that my throat hurts.

I'm having a somewhat emo night, dudes. I am alone in the universe, and more importantly, this essay is not writing itself. Therefore:

the what i like about you meme | my thread

Pairings I've been craving the past few days include:

-Bob Bryar/Jesse Lacey
-Bob Bryar/Glen Hansard
-Jesse Lacey/Glen Hansard
-Bob Bryar/Jesse Lacey/Glen Hansard

I do not even know.

I'm going to start off with a somewhat-dickish disclaimer: I probably won't reply to most of the comments to this post. I'm sorry, but I have a full-time job and plenty of stresses in my life, and I know myself well enough to know that it's just not gonna happen. I wish I could participate in the conversation beyond this post, but I've been bitching about this subject to people in private for more than a year now, and I think it's time for me to put up or shut up, even if I don't have the time or energy to do follow-up.

So! Bandom and race. I've seen the idea floating around that bandom is doing better at skanky race issues than other fandoms, and I disagree with this. We do have a cast of characters that is much more multi-racial than just about any other major fandom, and I love that--it's part of the reason that I got into the fandom.

But the thing is, almost no one writes the characters of color who can't pass as white. Whether or not Pete identifies as white (although personally, I think the likelihood that he does is high), we live in a world where, if you do not have clearly brown facial features or skin or wear a pin that says "I'M BI-RACIAL ASK ME HOW," you are going to be seen as white. This goes double if you involve yourself in a scene that is typically very white, like hardcore. Gabe loudly identifies as hispanic and makes efforts to *not* pass as white, but he's the only one, and I still haven't seen his hispanic-ness get much play at all in fic.

But where is the Travis fic, people? We have always had tons of good, *really slashy* canon with Travis. You can make big cases for Travis/Pete, Travis/Bill, Travis/Gabe, Travis/Patrick, and Travis/Matt, just for starters, and his band is *really popular* in the real world--the canon is there. Yet in more than a year of being in bandom, I've still only seen a handful of Travis stories, and the amount of fic in which Disashi has speaking lines is even smaller. Where was the Travis/Ryan when the pictures of Travis kissing his cheek leaked? Where was the GCH/Panic crossover fic when Panic had an awesome cameo in the Clothes Off! video that everyone seemed to love? Where is the Travis/Pete when every other blog post Travis and Pete have made in the past three months has featured pictures of them together or been about how into each other they are? Why has there been more enthusiasm, squee, and fic for The Cab in three months than there's been for GCH in two years?

It's true that Gym Class Heroes does not play the same kind of music that most bandom bands do. However, many people get into bandom bands by seeing pictures of slashy guys and/or reading fic first, and listening to the music second--many people are into Panic, MCR and FOB when they wouldn't otherwise listen to that kind of music. But I've never seen this happen with GCH. And anyway, GCH's hip-hop is *very* rock-influenced; I've probably heard their singles played on more alternative and rock radio stations than I've heard them played on hip-hop stations.

I'm not saying that I think bandom has super bad skanky race issues, I just think we need to stop patting ourselves on the back. Writing tons of fic about characters of color that you can pretty much get away with writing as totally white is not a huge challenge for white writers. I'll start being more impressed if I ever see the amount of Travis fic become proportional to how big his band is and how slashy he is with all the other characters in fandom, or if I ever see Disashi get written as a major character in anything. The number of multiracial characters in bandom and all the opportunities to cross bandom characters over with hip-hop was one of the main draws for me when I got into the fandom, and I'm still waiting for fic output to live up to the potential we have.

edit: gigantic has an awesome post about your Disashi canon needs over here.

Burning Like A Bridge
By Zee

Summary: To Bob, the rules have changed. Sequel to Shine It On And Stick Around and Throwing The Fight; might not make much sense without reading those first.
Frank/Bob, R, 2,729 words.

( The tour throws a party for Gerard four days after his birthday. )

Shine It On And Stick Around
By Zee

Summary: Coda to MCR's 4/7 show in San Francisco, and vaguely a sequel to Throwing The Fight, though it's not hugely necessary to read that first. Frank/Bob, light NC-17. 1,289 words.
Notes: On Friday, Bob was clearly having difficulty with his wrists, and there were many long pauses, during which Gerard sang Smashmouth to cover for Bob having to re-tape his wrists. So, uh, I wrote about it! Hastily written, unbetaed.

( We can cut the set short. )

For those that might be interested, I've started a music blog: Into And Above.

I'm not entirely sure what its main purpose will be yet. Right now there's not much there but reviews of shows and old albums and some uploads, and I'm largely using it as practice to help me refine my ability to write about music well. I do hope that it will eventually be a platform for me to get my writing out there in the blogosphere--maybe sometime after I manage to type 'blogosphere' without snickering.

There's an RSS feed here.

Throwing The Fight
By Zee

Summary: Coda to certain events at the Las Vegas date of MCR's latest tour. Frank/Bob. NC-17, 1,484 words.
Notes: I know, I know, I'm probably a bad person to write this so soon. But I--BOB. I can't help it, man. Quickly written, unbetaed.

( Frank just kind of shrugs it off. )

I've liked Vampire Weekend as much as the next person, but I'm very intrigued by this post. This is one of my favorite music blogs, and it's the first of (I believe) a few planned posts promoting some African musicians, and while he doesn't actually attack VW much after that first picture, he makes some interesting points about the changing definitions and relevance of cultural authenticity. (And I'm looking forward to listening to the .mp3s of the artists he writes about.)

I spent most of my day today thinking about hip-hop--specifically, the differences between what's considered "indie" hip-hop and more mainstream, commercial and gangsta hip-hop. I like both, though I'm really not very educated when it comes to indie rap, even though it was the first hip-hop I ever dabbled in. I've heard of Atmosphere, Sage Francis, Aesop Rock, El-P and a few of the other rappers beloved by the indie hipster set, and I like some rappers that I think would probably be considered indie rather than mainstream. When I first started listening to hip-hop the indie stuff was definitely what I was most comfortable with--there were no mentions of niggas, bitches and hos, and it was political and anti-commercial. But somewhere along the line my tastes changed, and now I would say that I probably listen to more mainstream stuff than indie stuff.

And lately I've just been wondering why. ( cut for length, analysis and navel-gazing )

Wow, um. This got kinda long? Aaand now I don't really know how to end it. Whatever, here you go internets, have some rambling.

soooo i broke my right arm on saturday! yeah, it kind of sucks. i'm going to the trouble of typing this post up with just my left hand because i need to beg for music. i'm home from work and everything i can think of to do requires using both hands, so i'm just sitting here downloading music.

what are you listening to lately? where do you find out about new artists--blogs, LJ comms, etc. uploads and reccomendations are equally welcome, especially hip-hop or pop-punk-like stuff--basically, nothing mellow. i am looking for the anti-mellow.(pictures of bob bryar in the comments are also welcome.)

to not be a total mooch, here's a .zip of tunes i've been grooving to lately. i've run out of patience with my left hand, so no track names--surprise, i guess.

I just got the OK from my boss to take the days off work, so it's official now, if by "official" you mean "oh fuck shit, plane tickets": I am seeing My Chem in San Francisco and at Bamboozle Left, with monkeycrackmary (!!!!) and miss_saigon and lots of other wonderful people. I'm also seeing them in SLC, and then I'm going to Denver to see Kanye West's 'Glow In The Dark' tour (!!!!) with miss_saigon and then I get to see the tour AGAIN in CHICAGO (!!!!) with gigantic. And, and! If the rumored Warped Tour dates are correct, I will get to see Warped--which this year includes GCH, TAI and Cobra--on my 21st birthday.

\o/ \o/ \o/

So I sometimes fail epically at electronic communication, either replying to comments or emails. I haven't managed to reply to any of the comments in the Love Meme, and I also failed epically at replying to comments people left me in the recent feedback meme, *and* I'm also super behind on replying to comments to fic. Ack, I suck, but I am so amazingly grateful to those of you who gave me love on either of those memes, and I love all of you back super hard. Some of those comments really made my day. ♥ ♥ ♥

(Also to those of you I owe emails to you, a;lsdkj I'm sorry. D: I'm working on replying, I swear. SRY I SUCK.)

I was at one of SLC's few gay clubs last night (and while there, I ran into three separate gay dudes that I knew--oh, the tininess of SLC's queer scene), and there was a guy there who looked exactly like the Butcher, down to his outfit. It got me thinking of a QaF bandom recast--or not even a recast, I guess, so much as an AU putting bandom people into that kind of stereotypical club-centric queer community.

I admit, mostly I want this AU because I think it would be *hilarious* how most bandom dudes just wouldn't fit it at all. I mean, okay, picture Frank Iero dancing in the manner typical to the way most gay boys at clubs dance. RIGHT? That image is going to keep me giggling for days. And then I started thinking about Gerard and Bob in this universe, and a;lskjf;lj. Yes. Someone should write this hilarity, I think.

I Played A Saint And A Saint I Ain't
By Zee
Summary: Bad timing, bad luck, and the right kind of self-destructive taste.
AU. Frank/Bob/Jamia, 9,326 words. NC-17.

Notes: Thanks to helluvalot and miss_saigon and others for all the encouragement.

( Frank's first impressions of Bob are: )

Happy birthday to helluvalot and stereomer! If I were more on top of things, I would have fic for this joyous occasion, but alas. I still love you both kind of a lot! :D

So I was thinking about Bob yesterday--specifically, the time period right before he joined MCR and his trip to Europe with them as a tech. He must have loved that band so fucking much to tech a tour for them on his own dime, and then to say yes immediately to giving up his whole career for a chance to be part of them. Which well, duh, we all know that, but I've never really thought before about how much that probably sucked for him.

I mean, it's unlikely he knew that there was a likely possibility that he would get to join the band until it happened, right? So you have Bob, loving this band like crazy and getting in fights with their drummer where he almost pushes Matt out a window, trying to not let himself hope for something he doesn't think he can have. I think the fact that MCR and Brian all adored him must've made it even harder--must've made him feel like he's in their inner circle but still not part of it. Ugh, Bob! I want more angsty fic about Bob pining for not-his-band-yet and getting into fist fights with Matt.

I still can't really believe that the last Weekenders story is finally posted. I finished writing the last bit a while ago, but it took me weeks to clean it up enough to post it, and now I'm just... kind of in shock. I've never written anything even close to 104,000 words before; that story was like, my fannish life for 3/4 a year. There were times when I really didn't think I'd finish it, and I know that plenty of other people didn't really think I'd finish it, and to actually have it done feels like I've beaten something. Writing this series taught me so fucking much, it practically transformed me into a different writer. I'm so, so happy that this fandom led me to writing Weekenders, I'm so happy that I decided to try for it even though the idea seemed too huge for me to attempt.

Since this weekend I've felt far more fannish, and far more happy about being fannish, than I've felt for a while. I'm 8,000 words into a Frank/Bob/Jamia story that I started on a whim on Saturday, and I'm so in love wtih this story and so excited to write some more of it when I get home tonight, and lately I haven't been in the mood to write new fanfiction or to admit that there's anything good about fandom. But there are lots of good things about being involved with fandom, there's a lot of value here, and whether or not I continue to be involved too much longer, I think it's important for me to remember that. I'm really grateful for fandom and you guys. Yay fandom. ♥

Try This Trick And Spin It
by Charli J (gigantic) and Zee (ficbyzee)
NC-17. AU. 25,000 words.
Pete/Patrick, Bob/Frank, Ryan/Brendon, Patrick/Frank, Pete/Ryan, and more.
Philosophers have only interpreted the world in various ways; the point is to change it.

Note: Despite the misleading word length, this is more a detailed summary of a universe CJ and I developed throughout last summer. I had a Fight Club-related idea for a Pete/Patrick story, and then one day Ryan Ross got a tattoo. Somehow, those two things spun off into a universe that's generally become its own thing and has since only been told orally on a bus to Maine and via email to kickthebeat. Since we kind of fail at both oral storytelling and responding to email, third time, charm time has us posting this here. This story contains content some readers may find disturbing. Title from The Pixies' "Where Is My Mind?" and tagline from Marx as quoted by the Praxis entry on Wikipedia.

Try This Trick And Spin It

Weekenders On Our Own
By Zee
Summary: "I suppose you know why you're here," William says with a thoughtful tilt of his head, and yeah, Gerard knows.
R, 19,215 words. Gerard/Pete and other pairings. Content some readers may find disturbing.

Notes: Eighth and last in the Weekenders series, which is now complete. AU based loosely on the 16 Candles video, and this story won't make any sense if you don't start from the beginning. Thanks to patricks_hat and helluvalot for the beta and encouragement; further notes at the end.

( Weekenders On Our Own, 1/2 )

This is quite possibly ill-advised, but I threw my hat into the feedback meme. My thread can be found over here.

Aahhh, you guys. Mostly I am still not here, but I really have to squee about the movie I just saw. miss_saigon and I went to see Slingshot Hip-Hop as part of the Sundance Festival here, and I have nothing but \o/ and :D now. It's a documentary focusing on several Palestinian rappers, and it's about politics and music and hip-hop and struggle and I really fucking adored it. I bought a t-shirt for the main group, DAM, and I never spend 20 dollars on a t-shirt. The groups are talented and intense and there are women artists in the mix, too.

It made me love hip-hop so much. Not that that's hard, really, but--I kind of want to force anyone who thinks they hate rap to see this movie. DAM's website is here and PR's MySpace is here. Even though I of course couldn't understand any of the lyrics, I really enjoyed all of the music in the movie, and I'm going to try and go see the groups perform in Park City Wednesday night. Give these guys a listen, and go see this movie as soon as you can.

Speaking of music! I've been listening to even more new-to-me stuff than usual lately. ( some tunes that I've been enjoying )

Sooo I signed up for the bandom big bang challenge. Erk. I have at least three ideas that I know I could do and now I can't decide.

I'm officially going on hiatus. I haven't been reading fic for ages anyway, so--yeah. At this point most fandom stuff is bumming me out instead of making me happy, which means it's really time for me to take a break. I'll probably still be around on AIM/GTalk some, and I'll be available via email.

THE FIRST PERSON WHO CAN HOOK ME UP WITH THE MOUNTAIN GOATS' NEW (!!!) LEAKED (!!!) ALBUM WILL BE PAID IN GOLD. Or, more likely, porn. ...or, more likely, squee about Bob Bryar.

and don't worry, I'll give them heaps of money when the CD actually comes out. I am John Darnielle's bitch to the extent that I bought a hard copy of The Sunset Tree even though I had 75% of the album already on my computer--and what was on my computer I had already bought from iTunes.

Holy shit dudes, I get to post my bobbryarwhat story. And read all the other Bob fic, homg. It's Christmas again.

Learned Your Name Without Words
By Zee
Summary: Thnks Fr Th Mmrs. (prompt: unrequited love)
Frank/Bob, NC-17. 10,810 words.

Notes: Thanks to miss_saigon for the beta and, sort of, the idea. Title from "Accident Prone" by Jawbreaker.

( The first time it happens, Frank just thinks that Bob is being a passive-aggressive asshole. )

I went outside to walk to the Trax station with my hair wet just now, and got icicles in my bangs. Hi, winter, I'm over you.

( the new Panic! song--behind a cut for squee-harshing )

Gah, okay, I was going to post a big long squeeful thing on Lupe Fiasco's The Cool here, because I dislike posting very negative opinions without something more positive to balance it out, but I've been listening to this album for three days and all I got is ♥_____♥ HOW IS LUPE SO PERFECT? It's not fair to the rest of us! I'm failing at being articulate about my love for his latest album, so here's a list of awesome things about it instead:

--the way it mixes fantastical elements with more gritty, real-world subject material. This was one of my favorite things about Food and Liquor (I mean--songs about giant robots!), too, and I'm really pleased to see Lupe expanding it even more in this. Overall, the CD seems like it could be the soundtrack to some awesome cyberpunk ghetto post-apocalyptic story, and oh man, I would read that story so hard.
--Lupe's interest in story-telling. Unlike most rappers, he doesn't seem too interested in talking about himself; you can't listen to a CD by Kanye or Jay-Z without learning a lot about their lives and who they are or claim to be, but for the most part, Lupe Fiasco doesn't really talk about his own life in his music. Even in songs that do seem to be about his own feelings on fame or his music or whatever, like Superstar and Dumb It Down, he seems to be rapping about characters. This is not to say that I don't like rappers who write more about their own experiences, but Lupe Fiasco is talented enough to pull off a much bigger scope.
--He's a philosopher. His songs are all about the whys and hows of humans and society, about what 'cool' means, about what success means, and he doesn't offer easy answers or even obvious questions; his lyrics require analysis and repeated listening.
--His excellent fucking rhymes. I mean, jesus, what can I even say? I hope your bullet holes become mouths that say my name. Who the hell can write like that?!
--The women in his songs. Lupe Fiasco uses female voices and female characters in his songs, he makes them part of the narrative. As much as I love Talib Kweli and Mos Def and their ilk, I kind of prefer Lupe's method to the hip-hop feminism that 'conscience' rappers endorse in songs like Brown Skin Lady and Black Girl Pain--as opposed to taking time out from the main stories to talk about how awesome women are, Lupe Fiasco includes them in his stories in the first place.

And this doesn't have anything to do with the album per se, but I was talking with gigantic about how the CD album art of gangsta zombies and vampires makes me think of Lupe Fiasco in 16 Candles-verse. As vampire!Pete is to vampire!william, so vampire!Lupe is to vampire!Travis? OR perhaps Kanye West was the one who bit him. HMM.

Some tracks from the album:
Put You On Game
Hello/Goodbye
Little Weapon